Memories

Well, night 2 of little sleep due to an angry baby.He usually does a 3 night cycle when his daddy Bee leaves town on busniess. 

Yessss, one more night!!!!  Please stick to routine kid, Mama is tired! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

As I sit here and wait for the sun to rise and the baby to figure out if he is awake or asleep, I think of my memories.

Not just any memories, but the memories of my childhood. Reaching back as far as I can there are some that are clear and others that are all fuzzy. 

The earliest I can remember back to was when my dad was with my little sister’s mom and her two daughters lived with us. A total of 2 adults, 4 girls, 1 dog, 3 bedroom apartment in the ghetto. 

Thinking on it now, there arn’t a lot of good memories from that time. I was around 5ish. Seeing it all as an adult now, as my own person, thank the lord I came out. 

To give a basic outline of what I remember is my dad playing guitar and singing for me. Sneaking beers and cigerettes with my sisters, trying to break in and steal candy from the apartment office, my sister using me as a cover after setting a dumpster on fire, my dad cheating on my little sisters mom with my step mom. And it gets worse.

The guy from the next building was babysitting. I had a little kid crush on him, my step sister at the time told me to go ask for a kiss. I did, and pestered him a little bit before he put my hands in his lap on top of his dick and kissed me innappropriatly. Of course, at the time, us little girls thought it was the greatest thing.

So, when a boy, just a little bit older than me, who i will explain more about later, asked if i wanted to have sex, why wouldn’t I say yes? I was so excited to tell my step sister. Luckily, we were young and stupid. He just laid on top of me naked, and I still had my swinsuit on. And luckily, my step sister decided that it went too far and told my dad.

My dad was scary, even then. But never really towards me. I was his little princess. At that time, I was still untouchable. 

And I haven’t even gotten into what I remeber with my mom, let alone simple facts I know. And I haven’t gone older than 5.

Xoxo Mama Bee

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2 thoughts on “Memories

  1. I’m hugging you, sister. Motherhood purged out a lot of ugly memories for me too from childhood, adolescence and adulthood. I think we probably share a lot of the same scars and what no one tells you is that when you become a mother and have a quiet stretch of happiness, these memories come flooding back. I hear you. And I just hope knowing that you’re understood brings some sort of comfort because for me, although my heart hurts reading it, it is comforting to know I’m not crazy that it happened to me tooπŸ’›

    Liked by 1 person

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